We are not always socially accepted at large. Where there are rules there are judgements. We seem to not be encouraged to be honestly ourselves and soon some of our parts and our behaviour start making us feel guilty.
When it comes to relationships we carry this behaviour and are afraid to share our emotions, feelings, habits let alone perversions with our partner or close friends. This is one discomfort we should go through in order to grow. One conversation works on both the parties – The person sharing is in the process of ridding them of guilt and the other person is on the way of becoming more and more non-judgemental. Be uncomfortable and share.
It is fundamental in this case that we have a partner that we can have mutual support with. This support also grows as we keep sharing more and more uncomfortable honest truths about ourselves.
If the sharing is not raw and as-a-matter-of-fact sharing, it still doesn’t give enough ways to fully be honest. Giving any kind of an excuse about your behaviour embedded in the sharing comes from a fear of being judged. I would suggest not to do so. Be open, honest and daring in doing so and watch your relationship growing stronger roots in front of your own eyes.
I usually prefer to have a phrase that both of us recognise like ‘I have confessions to make’, ‘I have difficult sharings to do’ or ‘Some more unconscious stuff has come to my notice’
Make sure both of you are ready to have a difficult conversation. With time it will become easier and take less time to be prepared for a difficult situation. This is when you know that both the hearts have become intimate enough to feel as one.
?There are many techniques out there to communicate using sugar coating, sandwich your sharing between two feel good sharings, phrase it mildly etc. I recommend to keep it real, let the emotions flow, dare to bare yourself with your thoughts and feelings about the topic.
This is an opportunity to speak the truth and many times discover a deeper truth about yourself through a conversation. So avoid blaming or justifying the reasons behind your behaviour/habit. There may be reasons, just observe and state those.
Golden Rule: Make sure that you start becoming more and more non-judgemental towards yourself. The more accepting you are of your own nature, the easier it is for you to share yourself with the other for the one who doesn’t judge oneself is unafraid of others’ judgement towards them.
Warning: You may not get immediate support from your partner if it is too overwhelming for them. However, know that subconsciously they have already started respecting your authenticity. With time there will be more and more truth and purity in the relationship.
So, go out there and be uncomfortable. Make the relationship shine through these uncomfortable honest sharings.
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Shoonyo is a Self-discovery facilitator and mentor. He has been guiding spiritual seekers from Australia, Canada, France, India, Pakistan, Spain, the United Kingdom and the USA. In 2019 Shoonyo authored the book ‘Looking for the Obvious’, an enchanting spiritual journey of love, death and resurrection. He is amazon bestselling #3 author and is cherished by elite readers. He is an honourable board member of India’s only NLP board (IBHNLP). He is a co-founder of Shoonyo Foundation that in the last decade has inspired and enriched 1000s of lives all around the globe.